There Are Many Different Possible Causes Of Premature Ejaculation

It has been suggested that one of them is that a man's nervous system is physiologically predisposed to trigger a quick ejaculation. This viewpoint seems to originate in the fact that research done in the latter half of the 20th century revealed that 75% of men ejaculated within two minutes of intercourse beginning. In fact, the majority of primates ejaculate much faster than this: within 10 seconds of intercourse starting.

From these observations, scientists concluded that it must be normal for men to ejaculate very quickly, and that what we call "premature" ejaculation is in fact normal, has physiological origins, and may even represent an evolutionary advantage.

If so, this would make those men who have greater control of ejaculation the minority in society, and the whole question of what is "normal" in terms of ejaculatory latency time (that's the time between penetration and the man ejaculating) would be turned on its head.

Physical Or Emotional Causes?

However, the fact that it takes a long time for the human female to respond to sexual stimulation from the penis thrusting in the vagina, and the fact that a significant number of men (between 30 and 50%) have very good control of their ejaculatory latency - in other words, they can choose when they ejaculate during intercourse - without experiencing symptoms of delayed ejaculation strongly suggests that quick ejaculation is not in fact normal for the human male.

While the debate rages on, what we can say with certainty is that some men do appear to have a faster bulbocavernosus reflex, although whether this is due to hypersensitivity in the nervous system, or simply due to the fact that they are more emotionally aroused before sex commences is unclear.

You may be puzzled by that last remark about a man being more aroused before sex commences. What it means is that premature ejaculation is often observed to be the product of a high level of anxiety around sex, and possibly also fear, guilt or shame.

Although these are emotions, or feelings, and may appear to have little to do with your ejaculation, the fact is they stimulate the nervous system in a way very similar to sexual arousal. This means that when you're experiencing high levels of emotion before you start to engage in sexual play with your partner you're likely to experience a more rapid increase in the level of your sexual arousal than a man who is calm and relaxed when he begins sex play.

This is one of the reasons why anxiety, especially "performance anxiety" around not ejaculating too soon, or about pleasing a woman, can be a major cause of rapid ejaculation. It follows, therefore, that any man who is experiencing anxiety will benefit from techniques that enable him to reduce his level of emotional arousal before he starts intercourse.

Physical Tension Is A Cause Of Premature Release

Oddly enough, the level of physical tension in a man's body can also be a trigger for rapid ejaculation. As most people know, one of the components of orgasm is a buildup of tension in the muscles of the body, which is "explosively" released at the moment that orgasm starts.

So just as emotional arousal such as high anxiety can trigger a premature ejaculation, so can tension building up in the muscles of the body: both of these things take a man nearer to his point of ejaculatory inevitability faster than when he's relaxed physically and mentally. (The point of ejaculatory inevitability, also known as the point of no return or PONR - is that moment when you know you're going to ejaculate and nothing can stop it). As you may have realized, therefore, any techniques that enable a man to control his level of physical tension during sex will also be helpful in giving him greater control over his ejaculation.

Of course at this point the question arises of what we mean when we speak of "premature" ejaculation. Although there is a page on this website devoted to the definition of what is called premature, early, or rapid ejaculation, there are two ways of looking at the problem.

Is It About The Duration Of Intercourse?

The first is about time: the length of time for which a man can make love before he ejaculates. In general, this is a lot shorter than most people believe: as I mentioned above, research in the 1950s demonstrated that about half to three quarters of men ejaculate within three minutes of intercourse beginning, and there's a lot of evidence to suggest that nothing much has changed in the sixty years or so since that research was carried out.

However, we also know that three minutes of intercourse is insufficient to satisfy most women, and that men who ejaculate in this way tend to lack any degree of control over when they actually ejaculate. Now, the concept of control over the timing of your climax is an interesting one, not least because it's sometimes difficult to understand for men who don't have it.

The simplest way of explaining it is to say that a man who has good ejaculatory control can thrust in his partner's vagina during lovemaking without going over his point of no return, his point of ejaculatory inevitability, until he chooses to do so - and he chooses to do so by increasing the level of stimulation that he's receiving, for example by making harder or deeper thrusts, or by engaging in some kind of behavior that provides more sexual stimulation.

So the concept of ejaculatory control is really the same as the concept of choice - that is to say, a man can take sexual stimulation at a certain level without feeling that he's going to ejaculate uncontrollably. This also gives us a clue to another aspect of any treatment program for premature ejaculation: a man needs to decrease the rate at which he responds to sexual stimulation, or needs to increase his ability to tolerate continued sexual stimulation without reaching his point of no return.

Or Is It About Being Able To Choose When To Ejaculate?

Definitions of premature ejaculation have been put forward that focus on both the time period for which intercourse lasts before the man ejaculates, and the degree of control that a man has over his ejaculation. But when you think about it, these two things are inextricably linked: if he has control, he can naturally continue making love for longer, and he's only ever likely to ejaculate prematurely if he's extremely aroused before sex starts.

In this way, the concept of "premature" comes to mean that the man really lacks control over when he comes during sex. It follows that an early ejaculation is likely to leave the woman dissatisfied, because in general most women want an extended period of penetration with their partner inside them, and it's also possible the man will be left dissatisfied after intercourse that lasts for only a few minutes because he may believe that his rapid ejaculation means he's no good as a lover. And he may feel bad about his "performance", too.

It's certainly true that men who have good ejaculatory control tend to feel much more sexually self-confident, and I've noticed in my work with men that this confidence generally extends into their everyday lives. There's something quintessentially masculine about being able to control your ejaculation - especially if you can control it to the extent that you can take your partner to orgasm during intercourse before you allow yourself to release and enjoy your orgasm and ejaculation.

(Now, it's important to add at this point that only a minority of women are able to  achieve orgasm by the man's thrusting during intercourse, although my suspicion is that a great deal more women could do so than in fact actually do, simply because most men can't maintain intercourse for particularly long periods of time.)

More Reasons Why Men Ejaculate Quickly

So what other possible causes of premature ejaculation might there be? We've already considered the possibility of a physical reflex due to a sensitive nervous system, although it has to be said that evidence for hypersensitivity of either the penis or the nervous system as a cause of premature ejaculation is distinctly thin on the ground, not to say nonexistent.

Those who work in the field of male sexual dysfunction, like me, would probably almost all agree that the major cause of premature ejaculation, in over 90% of cases, is psychological and emotional. That could be either a high level of anxiety before or during sex, or some other emotion that makes a man ejaculate quickly, such as anger, fear, guilt or shame: any of these can contribute to emotional arousal and so make a man much more sensitive to sexual stimulation.

Some obvious causes of these emotions are things like depression, lack of confidence, negative feelings a man has about his body (or his penis), unrealistic expectations of his own sexual performance, any kind of internal conflict between him and his partner, and any issues within the relationship that cause emotional distress or difficulties. We're talking about things like mutual misunderstandings, lack of communication, unresolved emotional conflicts, discomfort with sex or intimacy, and indeed any other issues that arise in the natural order of things in a relationship between a man and woman.

One of the interesting things is that there's no particularly significant single problem that causes a man to ejaculate quickly. Having said that, there are several common patterns.

First of all, a lot of men with premature ejaculation are hypersensitive to their partners, and they often fear "failure" (sexual failure) and in particular they fear that  that they will disappoint her sexually. Men with premature ejaculation are sometimes self-blaming and apologetic in the face of partners who are either sexually naïve and shy, or aggressive and conflictual.

Another group of men tend to be rather self-absorbed and unconcerned with their partners' sexual satisfaction, describing premature ejaculation as a normal response in men, causing the women to feel abandoned and ignored, a situation which will only cause more conflict. Certainly any couple where there is unresolved relationship conflicts including rejection, blaming, criticism, and in particular a struggle in the balance of autonomy and power may well experience a dynamic where one partner feels abandoned and becomes hostile.

In such situations premature ejaculation is more an indication of the state of the relationship than anything to do with a man's sexual performance. It's also possible for a woman to use premature ejaculation as a way of hiding a problem she has with her sexuality or sexual responses. If she isn't particularly interested in sex, she might even encourage your partner to ejaculate quickly, telling him to "get it over with".

And she may do the same if she experiences any kind of pain or dysfunction from intercourse itself. And indeed if she's anorgasmic, she may place responsibility for this on the man, describing his ejaculation as premature, and claiming that she would achieve greater sexual satisfaction and reach orgasm during intercourse if only he could gone for longer, even though this is probably not true.

It's also undeniable that some men with premature ejaculation aren't particularly knowledgeable about their own sexual responses, their own sexuality, and their partner's body and sexuality. And many men to hold unreasonable expectations about sex, and to lack the essential skills which allow him to control his ejaculation and also the pleasure his partner satisfactorily.

None of this is to criticize men who have premature ejaculation: it's a complicated condition, and that's why any kind of treatment program must be tailored to each individual's situation. For example, if a man is either unable to focus on his own sensations of sexual arousal or he anticipates failure, he may be helped with some simple techniques which will allow him to develop a greater awareness of how aroused he is during intercourse, so that he can do something about it before he ejaculates.

The Complexity Of Sexual Dysfunction

What complicates the situation is that while there are multiple causes for premature ejaculation, there is also an interaction between these things. Cause and effects are hard to separate. In other words, the psychological effect of believing that you need to, have to, or are compelled to satisfy a woman, and more particularly that it is your responsibility to take her to orgasm, will naturally interact with the biological mechanisms that control your ejaculation.

And such interaction of different factors will certainly affect communication with your partner! Such intermingling of different aspects of your physiology, personality and your relationship's unique psychology is quite normal; it is one of the reasons why rapid ejaculation can feel so confusing to the man who experiences it.

Nonetheless it is possible to figure out what's causing your premature ejaculation and you can certainly stop it. And there are various ways of looking at premature ejaculation that will help you make more sense of it.

The first of them is the cognitive behavioral model which recognizes that every man experiences a combination of cognitions (i.e. thoughts), behaviors (i.e. actions), and emotions (i.e. feelings). These are basically the ideas, beliefs, observations and reasoning that you have about sex, the behaviors that you engage in during sex, and the feelings that you experience both before during and after sex.

Your feelings can motivate you to take action, and they also influence the thoughts you have. These can be positive or negative depending on how you experience them.

To make this clearer, any man who has chronic premature ejaculation (which means he comes quickly every time he has sex) may be perceived by his partner as selfish and rejecting of her desires, leading her to feel dismissed and uncared for. Of course, the man may not intend to be selfish. In fact he may actually be deeply disturbed and upset about his failure to maintain control during intercourse - and he probably does not even know how to stop premature ejaculation. He may be very annoyed about the fact he cannot last longer in bed, and he may be anxious about disappointing his partner.

Yet, if he rolls over and goes to sleep after ejaculating quickly, because he is both ashamed and disappointed about his sexual abilities, his partner will naturally conclude that he doesn't care about her, possibly not realizing that he actually feels frustrated with himself and is focusing on his failure.

While he feels ashamed and guilty, his partner is probably feeling angry and discounted. This is because the majority of women will experience a man who doesn't seek professional help for chronic premature ejaculation as being insensitive to their feelings, which may hurt deeply. This hurt can become apparent as anger or rage, which in turn may lead the man feel he's being betrayed and misunderstood. He will certainly experience a lack of support from his partner, yet support is the4 thing he most craves.

So this simple scenario serves to demonstrate how a series of complex cognitions, behaviors and emotions can not only cause, but also maintain and even make premature ejaculation worse. For example when a man begins to fear ejaculating quickly, the anxiety that generates is almost certain to make him ejaculate more quickly. This means another important aspect of any treatment program for premature ejaculation is to stop these patterns of thinking and behavior and change them to more reasonable ones associated with positive feelings.

 

 

 

 

Sick and Tired Of Coming Too Soon?

Get help right now!

Become a longer lasting lover easily and quickly with this amazing system!

Lloyd Lester is a professional sex therapist who has written a truly fantastic guide on how to stop premature ejaculation for men who want greater control in bed. It's called Ejaculation By Command.

Discover exactly what you get in Ejaculation By Command by reading my detailed review of it - click here!

He explains how the problem starts, describes why men find it difficult to control, and shows you exactly what you need to do to prevent it spoiling sex. In fact, this is the same treatment used by professional sex therapists in one-to-one client work, adapted so you can use it at home in privacy.

Totally guaranteed to give you longer lasting sex (or your money back, no questions asked), this program will show you the tricks and techniques needed to sustain intercourse for as long as you want - allowing you to enjoy sex for as long as you want, until you decide the time is right to enjoy your orgasm.

Just think what that will mean for you and your partner - no more early finishes, no more disappointed partner, just a truly happy and satisfied woman with a big smile on her face.... and for you - a great feeling of sexual power and self-confidence - not to mention the massive orgasms you'll be enjoying as a confident, powerful lover!

Click here to discover how Ejaculation By Command will help you!

 

For assistance, advice or information email:    rodphillips"at"staying-power.com (please replace "at" with @ before using the address)